Off the wagon, on the wagon….
I am done living in the field of regret and tears and depression and negativity that is the trail of the so-called wagon we “dieters” try to stay on. Early last week I had a realization. Well 2 actually. The first is that I am human. And if I fail one meal or have a snack or don’t move enough one day, then ok. Whatever. Try to do better at the next meal or day or chance to go for a walk. I am only human. And none of us are perfect. We will mess up and have a bad day. My second realization, and probably the most significant one for these 2 weeks, was that my first dietitian appointment was on Wednesday.
Let me explain…
In my mind I realized that once I go to that appointment tomorrow, I am going to get weighed and given a goal for the month of August. After that weigh in, it is going to be crucial that I do my very best with my food choices. From tomorrow on, I will HAVE to track my food and water intake. Then 2 weeks before surgery when I have to start the pre-surgery diet, there is no room for mistakes. I can never have a cheat day again. I have to stick to a strict personalized diet for the rest of my life. There are so many complications and illnesses I can cause if I don’t stick to that plan.
The End Thought…
So I decided, what the heck. I am going to give myself an almost 2 week free day. No tracking calories. Eating any food I wanted. Eating out when the opportunity arose. No weigh ins. Nothing but freedom from the stress. I have gained back the 6 pounds I lost. Do I regret it? Nope. Not one bit. I didn’t beat myself up over the gain. I got to enjoy the foods I am no longer going to be able to eat.
HOWEVER, I will say, that most of the bad foods I ate made me feel like crap. I got headaches, stomach issues, digestive issues, breathing difficulty, muscle weakness, and more. I can’t even describe the mindset I now have where I am looking forward to giving up these foods. I can’t wait to start tracking in the morning. And eating healthier. And cutting back on carbs. I can’t wait to re-lose that 6 pounds (and more) to start being able to breathe again. Climb the stairs without wanting to die. Go for a walk and keep up with my daughter and fiancé.
Yes, I said fiancé. We decided together to get married! He is still searching for the perfect ring to fit our not completely traditional mindsets. The date is going to be July 21, 2018. I am so very excited. And if this isn’t motivation enough to stick with my workouts and eating patterns, I don’t know what is.
I am staying off of the proverbial wagon. That wagon can take it’s regret and self-doubt and tears and head for the hills. However, I still need a WAGON. I need one to get me from point A. to point B. in my journey. But I am building my own wagon. As should we all. Build it with our own goals and dreams in mind. Add to it our confidences so that we can build ourselves up throughout this ride and beyond. Color to make it personal. Hell, let’s even add some peddles so that when the going is rough, we can peddle our way through to the good times. Maybe tomorrow while I am waiting at the dietitians office, I will try to draw my new wagon just for a reminder. So are you gonna build your own wagon like me?